May 24th, 2009
Current Mood:  contemplative
A few months ago, a friend said something which I disagreed with. She was going to see some pop act live, and I, as people have grown to expect from me, shook my head in mild disdain and smiled. "Enjoy it."
She took offense, though only a little, to match the mildness of my disdain. "Why do you get so involved with your music? What's wrong with just wanting to have fun? Music is there to cheer you up, make you happy, not depress you."
I floundered. Never would I want to give the impression that I liked music because it made you depressed, or even thought about my mood when listening to a great piece of musicianship from someone like Biffy Clyro, say, or Radiohead. I replied with a garbled response about music being much more than just something to make you happy; it was something to change your outlook and open your eyes and ears, and something to believe in. It didn't sound convincing - she didn't know what I meant, and dismissed me as just being defensive.
Maybe today I've found the way to articulate what music means to me. Music, to me, is something which makes me feel like my life matters. Not just my life, but living in general. Music makes trivial things profound, and makes profound things tangible (or rather audible). Music gives my life purpose and meaning it was lacking before I got so 'involved' with it. If you have your meaning, in your religion or your family or your career, music may just be there to make you happy, like my friend said.
On realising this (which wasn't a new realisation, just a new way of wording it) I can brush aside my dislike of people who don't take music as seriously as I do, people who think gigs are undesirable and musicians are just humans. I know that music is just the soundtrack behind their lives, each song just a station to pass through while their destination is at the end of the line, not music related. For me, and maybe you, it is a lifestyle choice of its own, and regardless of genre and fashion, it is deeply important. It does make me happy too, of course.
May 21st, 2009
Current Mood:  calm
Current Music: The Libertines, constantly
Blur in a 3000 venue!I went to see Maxïmo Park on Tuesday, details about that here (yes I know, that pesky Blogger account again, stealing all the LJ posts).
I've finished my end of year exams, my Music wasn't a disaster, but if I don't get an A I'm retaking it.
I've got a new phone, though I've kept my old SIM in it so it still has the same number. It's a Samsung SG-something, I don't really care, it works and that's all that matters. And actually it has a better camera than my real camera, which feels a bit self-defeating; I don't think I'll be using my camera anymore, it eats through batteries as well as being 4 megapixels to this one's 5.I've already got pictures of Carl and Peter plastered all over it. I think The Libs are in for a reunion soon. Carl, Pete and Gary performed together last week.
April 30th, 2009
Okay. @ 08:03 pm
Current Mood:  content
Current Music: Blur and The Libs
Maybe I was lying when I said my Blogger account wouldn't prevent me from writing on here. It seems to have done just that. I shall update you on my goings on anyway.
Music and gigs
While I continue to use Last FM with ever expanding curiosity, I also write my aforementioned music blog at Blogger, which I am proud and fond of. I saw Peter Doherty in the flesh for the first time last month, and I am going to see Levellers with my mum tomorrow. I also got Blur tickets, which I'm very excited about, am seeing Maxïmo Park free thanks to Josh and Franz again in the distant future. So all is bright on the horizon.
Other things
My exams are all bearing down on me, it's horrible, especially as everyone has such high expectations. Including myself. My uncle is very ill and causing the family a lot of woe, while my mum's job at Waterstone's is in danger of going the way of the coal mines...so there's trouble in paradise. But in brighter news, I am learning fast on my guitar, the sun is out, and I had a manically happy patch a couple of weeks ago.
March 22nd, 2009
Current Mood:  bouncy
Current Music: Franz & Sonic Youth
The assaults of verbiage and unnecessary crap you could usually find here have been, for some reason, suspended for over a month. It could be the lack of 'interesting' things going on, or that I've been too busy, or that I seem to spend far too much time on the Atheism community or indeed reading (or uploading) fanfiction at The Albion Archive.
I met Alex Kapranos.( 'How?!' You ask. )I'm going to be writing some reviews and the like, music reviews, for The 405, a music and art website. It's quite popular, my first review is up on the 9th April. I'm happy to be 'on the team'. It's all experience.If I'm manic depressive, then this last month's been the manic bit.
February 11th, 2009
Current Mood:  complacent
Current Music: Sonic Youth
Yes, I have been unfaithful and gone and got another blog account - this one is purely for musical purposes though, so LiveJournal still gets all the daily life shiz; and yes I did namecheck LJ. ;) Click here.
February 5th, 2009
Current Mood:  cold
Current Music: Right now, Oasis.
Oh all of them.Sloth: Doing it now.
Greed: I suppose gluttony is a form of this, no?
Lust: *laughs to self
Gluttony: See greed.
Anger: This is one I'd like to shake off.
Envy: Well, if I didn't previously, I have recently.
Pride: I never understood why this was a sin.I only did that because it's cold and I am punishing myself for skiving off thanks to the snow, 'cause I suppose I could have gone in. Showing myself what a filthy sinner I am is punishment enough. Now to get some more food and drool over pictures of Carl Barât in true sinful style...
February 1st, 2009
Current Mood: content
Current Music: Babyshambles and Franz Ferdinand, mainly
I just thought I should record this as it doesn't happen very often. I'm actually happy. It's Sunday, which makes happiness even more of a miracle. Maybe, and this is a genuine theory of mine, there is a general correlation between happiness and the number of gigs coming up. I have 5 at the moment in the next two months. Yelps, Kaisers, Marmaduke Duke, Franz, Pete Doherty. S'all good. And I've managed to get away with not doing any proper work for 4 days, which is an achievement and definitely an anti-depressant. Oh and one other thing: I'd given up the fanfic because I felt immoral getting into the more hardcore part of the archive. I lasted a week and I'm back on it. [/guilt]
January 23rd, 2009
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: The Libertines
1. Get married and have a daughter in the early 1990s.
2. Wait for her to grow up, guiding her towards slightly off-kilter and raucous indie rock.
3. Make sure she's a little insecure and prone to liking the 'broken' ones.
4. Subscribe to Birmingham Academy email updates.
5. Buy her tickets to go and see Peter Doherty in March.Your cup of tea is waiting, dad.Carl and Anthony making me cry.
January 9th, 2009
One of the best weeks of my entire life.I went on a course in Shropshire for young writers and artists, working with some artists and likeminded individuals across the West Midlands. Aside from the art and the writing, which were lovely if a little stifling and in some cases disappointing, there were all the people! The level of conversation considering it was such a cross section of kids was incredibly high. A few slipped conversations about turtles, measuring gayness and missing polar bears, other than that it was so intellectual. And even those were a nice break from intensity. I found myself lost in the intelligence at times, inspired by some of the best individuals I have ever met. A young man named Charlie springs to mind. So similar to me in his ideology, so inspiring and unusual.
I found a lot of the sessions very rewarding. They let me just be neutrally happy doing things I love with people I suppose I have grown to love already.
I may have lost myself to another pet project. Another thing to batter my friend's and family's ears with until they go insane with even the very name of the thing in question. No more detail. Abstract concepts like 'love'. James Friel would be ashamed.
There are things I definitely wouldn't want to be thanks to the course, roads I wouldn't want to go down (art and writing for instance...it's hard to explain), but it was a brilliant week other than that. Creative, social, intellectual, relaxing, a fucking amazing bit of escapism. Also an insight into ego and arrogance and how I can prevent them though. Basically, by BEING Bethney.
I hope everyone reading this (yeah...you) is as happy as me right now, it's a nice feeling. I'm certainly cheered up. Until I come down, but it'll probably be a while.
December 23rd, 2008
Current Mood:  lonely
Current Music: Maxïmo Park
Well it's my first LJ Christmas. My keyboard's packed in so I'm keeping this relatively short and if you spot any typing errors...it's my keyboard not me. ;)( A little blog. )
December 20th, 2008
Current Mood: content
Current Music: Sonic Youth
I see your eyes in the halflight. I see the number on your wall. Endless strange things I see at night; you don't see anything at all...I've been obsessed with this song for days. Rats by Sonic Youth. It's got this deep, rounded sound to it, especially in the rich guitar chords in the middle and the unusual rhythm in the intro. The lyrics and vocals too - he manages to sound so hurt and angry and yet sultry and restrained as well. And that distorted guitar, so raw and edgy. ♥( Biffy Clyro on Thursday )
December 3rd, 2008
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Dirty Pretty Things and Suede
Ah teenage lust and internet friendships. They don't go together. My friend met her friend from World Of Warcraft, the millions-of-players online game, this afternoon. She and I both had visualisations of what he would look like. We had stereotypes, you know, the geek with glasses who knows binary inside-out, the befringed skinny-jean-clad emo boy who cries over his diary entries, the McKenzie-jacketed knife-weilding chav with no SATs never mind GCSEs...and when we saw him, he was normal.
I saw some disappointment cross her features. When you've never seen someone, you get all these hopes and worries, and let's face it, she's going for boyfriend material here. I mean, he's probably lovely, and I would wait and see what he's like, but I don't think he was visually what she had in mind.
I left them straight away, so I don't know how it went. That'll be her "it could have been but never was" meter filled up to the brim again. I don't even have an "it might be..." at the moment.
It's freezing outside now, the kind of cold where the frost gets thicker during the day instead of melting. On the other hand, the light is playing off the car rooves, burglar alarms and broken windows of Walsall in a way which almost makes it look less decrepit and hostile.
November 25th, 2008
Current Mood:  melancholy
Current Music: Chiefs DVD
I always build things up only for them to be knocked down. I'm a little disappointed with the Elland Road DVD. The day was one of the best days of my life; that makes me sound like I have a sad life, and maybe I do, but it was!( Remembering Elland Road )
November 22nd, 2008
Current Mood:  high
Current Music: Cage The Elephant/Cribs
Cage The Elephant at the Sugarmill last night were...well, they were to start with, the most sexual band I have ever seen live. It was also one of the roughest barriers I've ever been at (though Pigees at the Academy wins that one) and it was definitely in my top 5 gigs ever.
Matt, looking amazing, as ever, launched himself off the fairly high balcony into the crowd and had his T-shirt torn off, his flies unzipped, his trousers torn...it was a very violent gig. I got a good feel (she says ashamedly) while he was passing overhead. I think it made him a bit apprehensive when I hugged him at the end. ;)
They were stunning. It was raw, raucous, mad, sexy, violent, earsplittingly loud fun. "Who needs sex when you can stage dive?" Oh I love them. And can I both say sorry and wink at the man who had his arms pretty much round me for the whole gig. Okay, so he was hanging onto the barrier, but he got a little close to me for my liking.I love gigs, especially ones like that.Gigs cheer me up. I'm not really a very cheerful person recently and gigs make everything better for a few days. I'm foreseeing a bad comedown though, which is NEVER good. A gig is measurable by its comedown though, you can't have a great gig without a bad comedown.
November 2nd, 2008
Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: Babyshambles
It's really unusual that I don't have anything to say on here.I only posted twice throughout the whole of October. I think it's because I've done very little and my feelings towards Life, The World and Everything have not changed very much either. I have possibly made a few steps towards understanding my own depression a bit, but that's a very unrewarding and self-involved thing to blog about so I haven't bothered.( ...which leaves me in heavy debt... )
October 17th, 2008
Current Mood:  blah
Current Music: Larrikin Love, The Freedom Spark
I went to see Envy & Other Sins (again again, but for the last time in a while) and Foals the next night. It was a tiring business, followed the next morning by a GCSE chemistry practical. I know it's really irrational, but I felt great being so fucked for the GCSE exam, I know I didn't do too badly and it reminded me that my life will always take precidence over school's exam system.( Things of note. )
October 5th, 2008
Current Mood:  aggravated
Current Music: Muse, Unintended
Fran got £50 in a card from her grandparents. I never get that. I wouldn't dare ask for it either! I slept over her house with Vincy yesterday; we watched films and she read my cheesy birthday poem.I have to go to school tomorrow which means I should be doing homework. And I'm having an argument on the Kaiser Chiefs forum about discipline with about 6 or 7 people. I'm the only one. I'm not saying I'm right, because there's no guarantee of that, but it's what I think and I'm not backing down to let them all mutter between themselves about how shit the youth of today are.
Nobody seems to have any faith in us. How are we meant to succeed if nobody has any faith in any of us simply because we were born half a century after them? I want to do everything hedonistic and selfish now, prove them right, because noone seems to notice when one person in a sea of thousands is actually doing something right.I have little faith in humanity as a whole. The world has made me cynical.
September 25th, 2008
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Radiohead, The Bends
I want to go into art and/or music when I'm older.I always knew I loved them, but I have reached a point where they are the two main things which keep my head above water, the things I need to escape the things going on which bring me down. At school, they are the two subjects I actively involve myself in, the two which I actually want to do as opposed to the rest of them which I can barely tolerate.
I don't care that art and music are competitive industries. I don't wanna be famous or rich or 'successful'. I just want to love what I do, to love my life, and I know I have the talent to do it.
It's been a tiring few days. My MP3 bust.
September 16th, 2008
Current Mood: content
Current Music: Blur, Modern Life Is Rubbish
I saw Envy & Other Sins on Friday in Stratford and then Sunday at Birmingham Artsfest. I'm going through a new 'patch' as Mandy would say. I love them so much.( Wanna know why? )
September 7th, 2008
Current Mood:  bored
Current Music: The Cribs
I love that song so much, especially the gorgeous intro.Right now I have so little to do which I want to do, I am spending hours on the computer doing relatively little. I constantly have about 4 tabs open, one with whatever forum I feel like exploring, one with MySpace, one with LJ or Facebook or whatever else, and one with Last.fm.I know I should be doing something, but it's all so necessary.
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